Now, what’s going to happen with the results? Well, in the event they’re negative and all is well in the Lohan-verse, the results are gonna get immediately released and we’ll know. On the other hand, positive results will mean a much more personal, face-to-face talk between Michael and his family. He wants to be able to talk to his daughters first before anyone publicly finds out, with good reason.
Let’s hope for the best, there, Lohans.

Selena Gomez, the fifteen-year-old starlet from the Disney channel’s Harry Potter knock-off (Complete with extremely similar costuming and set) “Wizards of Waverly Place” has been tapped as the new face for Disney. Turns out that “Hannah Montana” seems to be losing her credibility (Gee, I wonder why, what with you posing like a Hugh Heffner covergirl, there, Miley) and so Disney’s gotta find someone to better represent. And who better for that than Selena, who’s vow of celibacy before marriage has set sparks everywhere now that kids have a good role model. So is this really the time when Miley will be set aside and Disney is going to bring in yet another role model. Don’t get me wrong but haven’t the last few been somewhat of a total screw up? The last one turned out into a pregnant teen. For me Disney needs to do a better selection on who it chooses to represent them to the younger audience. Don’t get me wrong I love Disney but do I want my kids watching it?

So, with good reason, Britney wants to be able to find a quieter and less busy neighborhood where it’ll be less populated and easier to live. The documents are also pretty adamant about the fact that Britney really wants to find a better home for her two sons with parks, a larger backyard and recreation areas. Aw, that’s cute. Please don’t forget that you will still have to figure out what’s going on with your little… career… thing… you have and try to be a little less self-destructive. You can’t break things and hang out with the kids all in the same afternoon.

And stop dying your hair so blonde. Please. Just leave it natural!

And conveniently, nobody asked her about Hulk and the lotion. Hm. She says that she’s trying desperately to have a bond with her mother, Linda, but, y’know, when you’re constantly bashing your own mother’s choices, that’s gonna make forming a bond when you’re THAT much older to be kind of tough. Also, she’s not happy about how messy she knows that the divorce is gonna be between her parents.

I really hate to say it, Brooke, but you’re not the first whose parents got divorced and you won’t be the last - you need to focus on you and stop focusing on your mother.

Yeah, well, take a look at Dr. January Adams, the same doc who was the last to operate on Kanye’s mom, because he was arrested Thursday morning around 2:45 AM for - get this - drunk driving. Yup. The genius was apparently driving the wrong way to go up an off-ramp. He was on the 680 freeway, located just a half hour or so from Oakland and after the cops pulled him over for that (Because, I SUPPOSE you might be able to just get REALLY REALLY lost on a freeway and forget that exits do not double as entrances) - he then failed a nice field sobriety test. So, he got arrested for driving the wrong way (HA), drunk driving, and for having - get this - a suspended license.

And this is his third DUI since ‘03.

Wanna hear more? Just Thursday afternoon he lost his MEDICAL license because he hadn’t been paying his child support. You’re a DOCTOR. HOW DO YOU NOT PAY CHILD SUPPORT.
What a bum.

So, just Thursday, Troyer slammed them with a lawsuit from downtown LA, claiming that TMZ had violated his privacy rights (DUH) and then infringed on his trademark and copyright (Eeeeh… I care less about that than the privacy bit) since they ran parts of the tape. And then he went on to say that they’d violated his “right of publicity” as well as “misappropriated” his likeness and name.

He’s claiming that this tape got stolen then given to the guy, Kevin Blatt, who had been reponsible for distributing Paris’s little foray into that line of work.

On top of the damages, he also wants an injunction so that the video can’t be distributed anymore.
Here’s the best part.

TMZ reported it today. Now if that isn’t one of the funniest things you have heard all day then I don’t know what is! HAHA!

Back in 2003, Spector was accused of killing the actress Lana Clarkson in his mansion, and the first trial ended with a conviction that now Spector’s defense must be getting more and more desperate to overturn. The defense has been claiming - quite unsuccessfully - that the judge simply wanted to convict a celebrity because it seemed impossible for that to happen in Los Angeles. (BULL CRAP!)

Looks like today was yet another nail in the increasingly darker coffin that Spector has gotten himself into, and, while he was sporting some more laidback hair, I don’t think it’s going to help him much, he’s still a jerk that no one likes, at all.

But, here’s the thing. Brooke Hogan has just come out to say that she doesn’t have a clue why everyone finds it so freakin’ creepy that her dad is lotioning her up. She compared it to changing her freakin’ diaper when she was a baby, or that he was touching an old car! WHAT?

NO. THAT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE SAME THING, NOT CLOSE AT ALL!

Most fathers out there who see that their daughter has her ass hanging out simply tells her to go put on a pair of shorts, not offer to help! It’s just gross!

Man, way to keep that under wraps, way under. The only reason people found out was because they had to take out the marriage license and they did that Monday! So, the big huggable “Velvet Teddy Bear” of American Idol is now going to finally settle down with his lovely sweetheart, which means you’ll listen to any of his albums from after his win on the hit show in 2003 and you’ll think of the fact that he’s probably singing those dulcet tones to his woman. So does this mean there might be the pitter patter of little baby feet coming anytime in the near future? That is something we will have to just wait and see.

Hey, he’s got a pretty voice, and big and cuddly certainly isn’t a bad day. Seriously, though, I’m still amazed he kept it quiet for so long! Way to go, man!

Here’s the hilarious part, though. It didn’t take more than a few minutes before the Miami Beach Police, specifically, the Chief of Police, Mr. Carlos Noriega flat out stated that Shaq was in “good standing” with the police department and that they thought he was a very valuable asset to their organization.

So it seems that since he’s also serving as a reserve officer for Los Angeles Port Authority don’t really care either, because they didn’t tell us anything.

Either way, it’s kind of interesting that Shaq can get away with saying whatever the heck he wants, then not lose his badge, and then just Tuesday passed reporters while saying “I love you, Kobe!”

Ooookay. You have got, like, emotions like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Seriously. We need to level you out or something because this gets a little weird sometimes.